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The best-laid planners…

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Computer cock-ups at the launch of an online retirement planner left faces at the Department for Work and Pensions redder than the rear end of a baboon that has just completed the Tour de France, the Diary learns.

The gremlins in the DWP&#39s machinery meant that around 20 hacks, along with ministers Andrew Smith and Malcolm Wicks, were left twiddling their thumbs while the technician scowled at his machine.

Thanks is due to the Financial Times&#39 Nick Timmins for puncturing the pregnant pause with a suggestion the time be used for extra questions. Never work with children, animals or computers, the Diary says.

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