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My office, now

Next week Chancellor Alistair Darling will be ordering the heads of all the UK banks to Downing Street to explain why they are still not lending more to homeowners and small businesses.

Darling will order them to explain themselves. He will demand that they lend more to individuals and that they increase credit lines for businesses – but will they do what they are told?

Dear [insert chief executive’s name],

If you would be so kind, could you please come to my office on Monday, 27th July. I have been looking at the recent data from the Bank of England, which says lending to business has dropped by £3.4bn.

Gordon and I are not happy.

Now, come on. This just isn’t good enough. We have bent over backwards for you lot this term – we gave you a lot of money, we were really nice to you after all those bonuses and we even let you have all those parties at Christmas.

We made sure to guarantee all your assets, we made sure the base rate was nice and low and we even created some new money for you to spend. But you still haven’t spent it! What more could we have done?

We didn’t ask for a lot in return did we? Yes, we did demand a lot more capital requirements, and yes we demanded you to spend a lot more money on all those poor chaps who could be repossessed. And yes, we know your main source of funding has dried up, and we did demand that you stop lending riskier loans. But you have to tow the line.

I thought you would act more responsibly, I really did. I thought you would do as you were told, but you haven’t. I gave you simple instructions: I said save more money and lend more money.

Now how hard is that to understand? Hmm?

So be in my office, on time. Gordon can’t make it, but I will be there and by Jove, you better have some good answers. Those of you who do not tell me what I want to hear will receive detentions and lines.

Yours,
Mr Darling, Chancellor.

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Comments

There are 2 comments at the moment, we would love to hear your opinion too.

  1. My Office Now
    Spot on. I had a meeting , with a small group, with several MPs some 6 months ago. I did make exactly this point i.e. How can you increase capitol adequacy requirements & at the same time lend the same (or more) money. No answer (as obviously you can’t). I find it frightening that we have such a load of complete dolts in charge. Anyone with a small amount of common sense can see that there is no coherent policy. My one ray of hope lies with a Conservative victory & as a result Mervyn King & the BOE being given powers to regulate the banks rather than the self serving idiots from the FSA.

  2. Gis us a job
    The only reason Darling will be inviting the heads of the banks into Downing Street (especiallly after the Norwich by election result today )will be to be to beg them for a job when he, and the other dour scotsman, are booted out of office.

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