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Food for thought

Hey Suits, Having just finished leading my shift at McDonald’s I read that some of you Independent Frying Advisers were a bit chippy at how my qualifications are better than yours. But I reckon the fast food business is way better run than yours. Let me explain why, so you can realise how lucky we burger-boys are compared to you financial types.

Of course we also have very strict regulations and procedures to ensure we do not harm folk, but our rules are common sense and have had the same focus for decades now. No one changes them much, though sometimes we have to step things up if there is a flu bug on the loose. And no highly paid civil servant types make long speeches in grand hotels about how they are going to make us clean up the corners better than we do, we just get on with it and make sure we pass the inspection whenever the health-police turn up.

And none of those highprofile political types lumps us together with posh West End restaurants, butchers, the Billingsgate fish market and all the other businesses we are vaguely like in some ways, so they can try to make rules to fit us all. Apart from the common sense hygiene ones, that is. No one says we all have to charge the same or serve food in the same way. Some places have little conveyer belts you can pick your food off and others make you wait for a pompous bloke to come to your table before you can get a drink, but each to their own as we say in our trade. So really our only boss is the customer. Sorry you cannot say that.

I tell you another thing we can say that you cannot. We can say that we satisfy the nation’s need, not just us global restaurateurs (oh yes!), but all of us, from the corner shop, to giant chains, to Gordon F Ramsey; boy we sell a lot of food. We spend billions on advertising, marketing and starting up and going under. We get just about everybody nicely fattened up these days. We reckon that as long as we pay the wages and make a bit of profit and keep those corners clean and the customers happy we are cool. Wish you could say that hey?

Seems to me you suits look a bit more like that old East German food chain, the one where the government thinks they have to control every last thing you do and you have to tow the line or get a visit from men in black trench coats, who work for the ones that like to make those big speeches in grand hotels saying how pleased they are they have you under their thumb and how everything will soon get better. Seems to me if what you did was food, we would have a lot of skinny folk out there looking like those grey old East Germans used to.

I tell you what you need. You need a free-market Government to take your shackles off, rein in those politburo types at Canary Wharf and just let you go to make your deals with the customer, just making sure you keep your corners clean. I thought you might have got that with the new lot, but hey, life’s a bitch. So tough luck and when they shut you down, please know we are always hiring over here in the free market. We will accept your current qualifications.

Yours truly, MaccyD

Tom Baigrie is managing director at Lifesearch

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Comments

There are 3 comments at the moment, we would love to hear your opinion too.

  1. Dear Maccy D

    Interesting comparison but your food doesn’t have to last 20 or 30 years like the advice we provide. Although I understand that some fast food burger buns do have the potential to last that long due to the preservatives they contain.

  2. Absolutely brillant Tom.
    Maybe we should ask to be regulated by the other FSA.
    At least other regulators appear to show a modicum of common sense, even allowing consumer choice!

  3. Excellent!!

    Stakeholders are not allowed due to trade descriptions too, happy days.

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