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Desperate times call for desperate imaginary campaigns

So, unsurprisingly, we saw yet another rate drop this week, down to the lowest levels ever. But when will the stabs in the dark end and the real solutions begin?

The Government seems sure lower rates will mean more mortgages and more lending.

All the while, the mortgage industry has been left in the corner, wheezing and out of breath after screaming: “IT’S ABOUT FUNDING, HELP US IMPROVE MORTGAGE FUNDING, RATE CUTS WON’T WORK” at the top of its voice for the last six months.

Well, Money Marketing is here to help the mortgage industry. We have come up with some ingenious imaginary ways in which to try and get the point across to the powers that be.

It seems simply telling them hasn’t worked: the Association of Mortgage Intermediaries, the Council of Mortgage Lenders and the Intermediary Mortgage Lenders Association have tirelessly bashed the ears of politicians with eloquence and intelligence, but still we are still just offered interest holidays and rate cuts.

I can today announce the launch of the “IT’S ABOUT FUNDING STUPID” mortgage campaign, no expense spared; T Shirts will be printed, sky writers will be hired and mega phones will be bought to try and make the point clear to one and all.

I’m already in the process of creating an “IT’S ABOUT FUNDING, STUPID” float, 15 feet long and covered with streamers, speakers and sparklers. Twenty can-can dancers will be on board and it shall be paraded up and down Whitehall, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, blaring out the message for all to hear.

I have also hired over 500 of the world’s top opera singers, who will be dispatched to every MP’s home and will be singing at their gates, night and day, a small operetta we have penned, entitled: “It’s about funding, stupid”.

On top of this Money marketing has pulled out all the stops and got the UK’s top music stars to come together in a secret studio in London to record this year’s smash charity record “It’s about funding (stupid)”.

Finally, the paper has also entered into an exclusive deal with NASA to allow us to fly a “IT’S ABOUT FUNDING, STUPID” banner off the back of the international space station, large enough to be seen from the earth at any time.

We hope this campaign has your support. With your help, maybe, just maybe, the point will get across and funding can return to the mortgage market.

Anyone wanting to join the campaign should get in contact at lee.jones@centaur.co.uk

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