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Correspondent&#39s Week

Monday: Down to Earth Productions Presents: BUMP!


Not much more than a fortnight ago, I was sitting in a boat five miles off


the Pacific coast of Costa Rica with a fishing rod in one hand, a cold beer


in the other and not an iota of a smidgen of a molecule of a care in my


head at the end of a month&#39s holiday following my departure from the


editor&#39s chair of this august organ.


And so here we are: shattereddreams.com. I begin my first week as


editor-in-chief at probably one of the busiest companies in the country.


There are about 115 people sitting in a carpeted football pitch above


Smithfield meat market working faster than one-armed jugglers with


intolerable eczema.


I may have possibly the first suntan my virtually translucent Celtic flesh


has ever managed to sustain but it wins me no favours here. No one is laid


back.


“What are we going to do about the forward-facing WAP uplink sprocket


interface, Steve?” says person-I-have


just-been-introduced-to-whose-name-I-have-instantly-forgotten. What can you


do when you would not know what to do with a forward-facing WAP uplink


sprocket interface if it ran up and savaged your leg?


“I&#39ll look into it.”, I say. It is difficult to be authoritative when


muttering through your teeth. However, as I settle down to my new role at


Interactive Investor I reflect on what an enormous project lies ahead, that


is, the creation, animation and sustenance of a high-quality online


editorial team much like a sort of virtual Frankenstein&#39s Journalist.


I muse, too, that it is nice to be in the bosom of a genuine revolution.


There is something refreshing about a room full of people bereft of a


single Luddite. I mean, think about it, it was not such a long time ago


that the only bloke you knew who had ever learned even to type was the


custody sergeant at your local nick.


It is an unusual feeling for journalists, who spend their lives as


voyeurs, surreptitiously eyeballing world events from darkened, musty


crannies, scribbling down what is usually generously termed the first draft


of history.


Well. Not me. No siree. I&#39m not going to watch the revolution on digital


television and as soon as I find out what a forward-facing WAP uplink


sprocket interface is, I&#39ll slide on my armband and man the barricades with


the rest of my e-comrades.


Tuesday: The mastodon Microsoft (we are not worthy) loses its court case


in the US, ruining everyone&#39s breakfast from Guam to Godalming. But global


market shakedown ensues. Overnight, Nasdaq has thrown a wobbly and TMT


stocks are taking a bigger kicking than a foxhunter at an eco-warrior


rally. Trading screens are red with the blood of the glorious casualties of


Great Dotcom Revolution. Stand fast, siblings, stand fast.


Wednesday: Farce Over Elbow Productions Presents: Carry On Trading.


Or not, because someone at the London Stock Exchange was playing Tomb


Raider 12 on the dealing system overnight and Lara Croft has gone on a


drink-fuelled gun rampage inside the computer&#39s silicon bits, causing the


entire market to be shut until exactly one hour after Nasdaq opens, giving


all the stocks a bit of a breather and time for investors to regain their


bottle and click on Hold. Lovely jubbly.


LSE registers domain name oopsadaisy.com, chief executive Gavin Casey


announces IPO setting off fresh technology sector speculation.


Thursday: Even e-revolutionaries have got to have meetings. Meetings –


that greatstaple of the British comm- ercial diet. Unfortunately, my diary


is bereft of even one.


Feeling left out, call up Sunday Telegraph personal fin ance scribbler and


former


MM hack Gary Parkinson. Discuss dotcom collapse over lunch and decide


article should be written on above for following issue. Rather, I decide –


he acquiesces when I pay for lunch.


Friday: Meetings pick up again, bringing relief all round. First is with


iii&#39s public relations firm Luther Pendragon. They discuss how many journal


ists they are going to be pestering in our name over the following week and


do we have any nuggets of news with which to pester?


I chip in instantly that our forward-facing WAP uplink sprocket interface


is up and running and PR executives flush with excitement at forthcoming


national newspaper editorial. Whoever said technology was dull?

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