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Battle lines are drawn

If you are sick of being kept on hold by life offices, join Financial Ltd director Charles Llewellen Palmer in his campaign of action. When providers ring you about a client, he suggests you:

•Put them on hold.

•Find an old Dictaphone and play music into the mouthpiece.

•Ask the life office for an authority letter from the client, original or witnessed by a JP.

•Check their postcode and agency number (you will have to allocate them one).

•Ask for a release fee for documents.

•If you are having a bad day, tell them you cannot help because of the Data Protection Act.

The top-10 chart for provider call-holding songs is:

1. Hold The Line – Toto.

2. Hanging On The Telephone – Blondie.

3. Keep Me Hanging On – Kim Wilde.

4. Holding Back The Years – Simply Red.

5. Talk To Me – Bruce Springsteen.

6. Telephone Line – Jeff Lynn.

7. Sweet Talking Woman – ELO.

8. Hang On In There Baby – Johnny Bristol.

9. Call Me – Blondie.

10. I Just Called To Say I Hate You – Stevie Wonder.

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